Gratitude

For years my knees have been deteriorating and in pain. In 72 years of active living, I have banged them up a lot. High school, my years in the Air Force, later boating accidents have all contributed to growing arthritis and difficulty walking. Finally I surrendered and in October, I had an operation to replace my left knee. The plan was to start there and then when I had enough recovery to do the right.

After consultation with my surgeon, in November, we scheduled the right knee for January 26. Just yesterday I had a pre-operation physical with my primary-care physician. In the course of that, she informed me that my EKG was good, my blood tests showed that I was in good health, and the blood pressure and other vitals were excellent.

As she shared this information with me, I realized that I had received a gift of essential good health that I really didn't deserve. I have taken my health for granted and not really worked at maintaining my body. In the last few months, several close friends have had major medical problems: heart attacks, congestive heart failure, breast cancer, MS, etc. My sadness for my friends is great and my heart is filled with awareness of them. At the same time, it is also filled with gratitude for this undeserved level of health, and not just for my health.

For years I have been centering my spiritual life around gratitude. This doesn't mean being grateful to God for a lot of gimmies, but gratitude to the Sacred, without definition, for sustaining and growing me. I am open to and affirm other's understandings and experiences of what that Sacred may be. (People use a variety of words, God, Allah, Yahweh, Gaia, etc.)

Among the gifts I have received at the "hand" of the Sacred is a large group of "mentors", some of whom I have known in person, learned from, studied under or with, and a few whom I have known only through reading what they have written. Some of them would be surprised to be called "mentor," yet that is the appropriate word. So I am here to list them and explain, at least in part, what they have given me. I'm sure I will miss some, but these are the ones I most remember.

Bob:
I don't remember, if I ever knew, Bob's last name. When my father died, I was ten years old. My mother was terribly grief-stricken and completely unable to comfort me and my six year old brother, Melvin. The man who took upon himself that task was a young black man who worked in my father's business in the stock room. Bob took me under his wing, held me, spoke caringly of my father, let me tell him of my grief and helped me cope with my mother's struggle. This was south Texas in 1946. It was still a segregated South. The fact that my father was a rare white member of the local NAACP probably had something to do with Bob's closeness to the family.

I learned from Bob, the universal laws of love, caring, and compassion; that skin color was unimportant in those realms or almost any other. He also taught me more--though my father had begun this education--about the indignity of discrimination.

My mother was not able to maintain the business at the same level and after a year or so, could not keep Bob employed. My memory of those days is foggy, but I think Bob moved to another state and we lost contact. Yet my gratitude lives on.

Chester "Chet" Malins
Chet Malins was the first band director and head of the music department at W. B. Ray High School when I entered as a freshman in the very first year of the school's founding. Mr. Malins was a Reserve Naval officer who had served in WWII and he ran the band with a level of honor code that spoke well of his military background.

Mr. Malins demanded that we perform well. He inspired me to excel and so I did. He brooked no excuses, and taught me that "You may have a good reason for failing, but you have no excuse." If circumstances prevent you from succeeding, then you may have failed but you need no excuse. If you need an excuse, it is only because you were the reason for failure. That is not acceptable.

If that sounds harsh, it was, but he also recognized that my mother was incapable of teaching me the way to live competently so he took me under his wing and became a father figure. I often wound up in his home, eating dinner with his family. He recognized my talents as a percussionist, helped me gain skills and coached me to winning a first place in the Texas State snare drum competition. (For the scoffers, real concert drumming requires the same level of skill as any other instrument.) He encouraged me to learn the tympani, to play with the school orchestra and eventually with the city symphony; even to play under the baton of Arthur Fiedler when he came to be guest conductor in our little city of Corpus Christi, Texas.

What I learned from Chet Malins has stood me in good stead in my life; not percussion, but that I can learn anything if I want to and if I am willing to put in the effort. He also taught me not to whine about failure. If the failure is circumstantial, then accept it, if my own, then work harder.

The other wild thing that I learned from Chet still stays with me: Being late for an appointment is unacceptable. I learned to set my watch a couple minutes early. It sounds funny to relate this, but that has always been helpful in my life.

Philip R. Hampe
I met Phil in a very strange way. Newly enlisted in the U.S. Air Force, after basic training I was sent to Scott Air Base in Illinois. It was mid-winter and desperately cold, especially for a young guy from south Texas. One night I was walking across the barracks area when someone called out, inviting me to come in for a cup of coffee. That sounded good. I did--and a doughnut--and stayed to listen to a chaplain give a lecture on the Lord's Prayer. I was Jewish, even if not observant, so was a little miffed that I had been hoodwinked into this. On the other hand the chaplain did say some interesting things. Phil, Chaplain (Captain) Philip R. Hampe was open to talking privately with me, but only to help me understand the Hebrew bible and my Judaism better.

A digression: While in high school I obtained an amateur radio license first and then the commercial radio licenses. Corpus Christi was a large port city, and I often communicated with ships via amateur radio. I got to know the Radio Officers on some ships and even met them in person when they docked. So, after high school it was natural to want to learn more and even become one of these radio operators. To this end I went to New York, lived with an aunt and attended the RCA Institutes training in shipboard radio/radar. I even worked for RCA for a short while. When and opportunity arose, I then returned to Corpus Christi to help build the first color TV station in the area. There were not radio operator/officer jobs available after the Korean war and I decided to join the US Air Force, which I did in 1956.

Back to Phil. At my insistence, Phil and I met several times and despite his reluctance, I pushed to be baptized and that's how I became a Christian. Phil being Presbyterian, it seemed natural to make that decision as well.

Over the years, Phil Hampe helped me spiritually and supported my decision to enter seminary. After seminary, he was there when Tamayo and I boarded a ship for Brazil. He greeted us on our return as well.

Donald F. Sears, Jr.
Don has been my pastor, teacher and friend since 1957, when the Air Force, in its greater wisdom, decided to ignore my request to be posted to Germany and sent me to Japan instead. I was stationed at Johnson Air Base, near Iruma in Saitama-ken. Shortly after arriving, I met another airman who told me about the Christian Servicemen's Center, just outside the base. When he brought me there, I met Don and Joanie, Don's wife.

For the next three years, Don helped me develop my spiritual life, introduced me to a raft of Japanese who became my friends, brought me to worship at a local Japanese church, helped form my sense of calling, but also became my friend. He taught me so much, and not only about my faith.

Don was a missionary. He had been sent to Japan to minister to American GIs as we were called. The first program was the Center, later renamed as Emmaus House. After about a year and a half, Don, Joanie and their two boys moved to Yokohama to open another center. Even so, I traveled to Yokohama frequently to spend a weekend with them. I was there when their daughter, Katy, was born, and then Becky. They taught me about being open to understanding the faith and to appreciating Japan. They also taught me a lot about family dynamics that I missed growing up.

They because "big brother and sister" so that when I returned to the US, they introduced me to their own parents and sisters and saw to it that I was invited for frequent visits.

Over the years, I have spent as many visits as possible with Don and Joanie, loving and being loved. And grieving when Joanie died from cancer. And over the years, Don has continued to be a mentor and an older brother.

Sunao Yokobiki:
When I first met Sunao he was working for Don Sears. It was at the same Emmaus House center outside the gate of Johnson Air Base. Sunao, a graduate social worker, was the main liaison with the Japanese community, setting up trips to local events, visits to the area church, and making Japanese young people welcome at the center.

But Sunao was more. He was also the person who introduced me to Japan and the Japanese culture in such a way that I fell deeply in love. Learning that WWII was, in so many ways, an aberration, I also discovered through Sunao that Japanese have a deeper sense of community and a connection with family. He was there at times, not just for me but for the other airmen when we were lonely and homesick, when we got a "Dear John", when we were tempted by all the temptations outside of most military bases.

He included me in a level of closeness that I never expected. After his marriage to Mihoko-san, the two of them included me within their circle, even inviting me on a trip to visit Sunao's home town in southern Japan.

What I learned from Sunao--and to a lesser extent from others--was the common humanity among all people. Having grown up during WWII, I had learned as a young child that the Japanese were "the enemy". Even though, by 1957, those strong feelings had subsided as the Japanese were now our allies against Russia in the Cold War, it was the warm human touch of Sunao and Mihoko--as well as Suzue and Genji Seya--that converted my heart. They loved me, and I them. There is a heart connection that is stronger than the particulars which want to divide.

When I became interested in Japanese religious ideas, it was Sunao who pointed me to a Zen monastery where I learned more of Zen Buddhism. I returned after two weeks with a new perspective and the understanding that Zen could also be Christian.

Zen Christians and Zen Buddhists:
There were many. There was a small Zen Christian community (Sangha) in the Tokyo area and I deepened my understanding of Christian Zen through my presence at some of their meditations. Most of those I have learned deeply from have taught me through their writings. Some I have known in person, at a lecture or a meditation sesshin.
William Johnston
Hugo Enomiya Lasalle
Ruben Habito
Thomas Merton

In later years. . .
Robert E. Kennedy
Brother David Stendl-Rast
Thich Nhat Hanh

Joseph Fletcher:
I put Joseph Fletcher in a special place. During my last year of college, in Japan, Fletcher appeared on campus as a visiting professor of Christian theology and ethics. He was on the faculty of Episcopal Divinity School in Massachusetts as well as Harvard Schools of Law and Business where he taught Christian Ethics, Ethics in Business and Law. Dr. Fletcher was the author of many books and articles, regularly debated with more conventional ethicists, but became well-known among the general public with the publication of his book, Situational Ethics: The New Morality.

He taught that the cornerstone of Christian ethics is Jesus' command to "Love one another," to "Love your neighbor as yourself" coupled with his parable of the Good Samaritan--which extended the word "neighbor" to include the "Other," even the enemy. Joe, as he insisted we call him, taught by the use of case studies, simulations and dramatization.

In a Japanese university, it is customary, to write a major thesis paper. A handful of the brightest students would write at a level that their theses were contributions to their field. Mine was not, but Dr. Fletcher did, as one of my two thesis advisers, help me to keep it real and write something that, if not original, was work I could be proud of, be honest with, and believe in.

Yasuo Furuya:
Dr. Furuya was my other thesis adviser. He introduced me to Paul Tillich and the ways that Tillich, though by no means Buddhist, was conversant with the Zen Buddhism and enjoyed discussions with Zen Buddhist teachers and theorists. (Buddhism being non-theistic, does not have theologians or theology.) In addition to all the classes and directed studies, Dr. Furuya helped me discover Japanese Christian spiritual and theological insights.

James Muilenberg:
After college in Japan, I entered San Francisco Theological Seminary. The primary teacher of the Hebrew Bible, which in those days we called the "Old Testament," was Dr. James Muilenberg. Dr. Muilenberg was an amazing and distinguished gentleman. Two doctorates in English Literature and in Old Testament (We now, correctly, say "Hebrew Bible" or Tanach.), he had by this time retired from the faculties of at least two seminaries. Reading the credits in the Revised Standard Version of the bible will reveal his name as one of the primary translators.

It is difficult to isolate one or two major contributions Dr. Muilenberg gave me in mentoring. He was an inspiration to study and to learning. But four do stand out as representative: The first was one day when I was studying Hebrew, Dr. Muilenberg came up behind me. He put his hand on my shoulder and said, "David, I know that you are a convert from Judaism. Please do not abandon your Jewish heritage. It gives you all the more grounding to understand Jesus. Never forget that throughout his life, Jesus was a Jew and while you may have become a Christian, your Judaism has prepared you to be a better one."

The second was the day when we had a scheduled class with Dr. Muilenberg. It was a beautiful spring day. The leaves had begun to turn green; new shoots were coming out; and budding flowers were everywhere. The large class was about the frequent denunciations of Baal in the early Hebrew writings. Instead of, as we students expected, reading some of these passages and then meeting in discussions with teaching assistants, Dr. Muilenberg began preaching, evangelizing. Suddenly we students were being converted to worship Ba'al. Dr. Muilenberg was helping us understand the gospel of a fertility god, convincing us that we could just look around and see the glory of such a god. How could we not worship him? And how could the early Hebrews not be tempted as well.

It was very effective. Now we could understand how the Hebrew people, entering Palestine--Canaan--and ever afterward could be tempted all through their history to put phallic stones at the corners of their fields, to worship Ba'al.

One of my favorite keepsakes is a statue of an Egyptian pharoah. The Muilenbergs invited several students for dinner one evening. Later Dr. Muilenberg was showing us some of the objects he had dug out of archeological explorations. He picked up this statue and explained that tourists visited the pyramids even back in the days before the birth of Jesus. Just as now, there were many vendors to sell souvenirs. These were junk, quickly produced and sold. This statue of Tutankhamun was "junk", but 2000 year-old "junk." He held it out and asked if anyone would like to have it. I reacted far quicker than usual and took it from his hand. My guess is that he was not really intending to give it away, but my quick reaction gave him little choice. He graciously let me have the statue and a couple days later, even initialed the mount for me.

My fourth memory of Dr. Muilenberg is watching him and his wife walking hand-in hand wandering along a path on the campus, lost in each other.

Jaime Wright:
Not only a mentor, but a hero as well, Jaime Wright was the head of the Presbyterian mission in Brazil. He was the son of Presbyterian missionaries and held dual citizenship. His brother Paulo was a member of the legislature, was hunted, captured, tortured and killed by the military. Jaime worked with the Archbishop of Sao Paulo, Cardinal Arns to form a group which took the name Clamor. Clamor worked with the World Council of Churches to create a list of the "disappeared" and to document the tortures that took place under the military--and with the connivance of the United States military.

In the two years I worked for Jaime Wright, one of those tortured was a colleague of mine, a young Brazilian woman named Cecilia, who taught people to read and write, something that made her a "subversive." Two other victims of the right were Dominican priests who crime was that their bookstore specialized in "liberation theology" (They were murdered by the political police.) In midst of all this, Jaime and Alma, his wife, taught me the reality of right-wing governments and ideology, but more importantly they gave me a new lesson in courage and in the truth of personal sacrifice in the face of unrelenting evil.

When Jaime came to me with the word that I was to be expelled from Brazil for being a subversive, I knew that I would not forget him and his family. That what I learned under his tutelage would radicalize my politics and my faith. It could never again be theology as usual. Jaime Wright exhibited and taught me a new level of courage; not just courage in ideas, politics, theology, but also a physical and spiritual courage. He and his family lived under threat of arrest, torture and death at all times, yet Jaime never wavered--and neither did Alma.

William H. Fisher:
Bill was always the smartest guy in the room. He knew the subtle signals of a group, the dynamics of shifting influence, power, emotion, more than anyone else. He was my teacher in psychology, but also taught me about living life by choice. No matter what we do, Bill insisted, we are making a choice. Yes, circumstances may limit the options, but they do not make the decisions for us.

With Bill I learned much more to push through my fears: To act beyond fear. To do the unexpected. To act spontaneously, but with plan and passion. To think strategically (Ok. I'm not a great student.)

From him I learned again--or maybe for the first time--that there is no room for excuse, guilt or worry. "Guilt will only keep you estranged from the other person. Worry will only keep you immobilized and ruin your health." It has no positive role to play. Plans will often go awry and may, in fact, fail because you cannot plan for every eventuality, but worrying about that will not help.

I could write many paragraphs about Bill's teaching and influence in my life. I don't mean that he was always right, but that he always made me think and decide for myself.

It is hard to exagerate Bill's influence on my life.

Albert Ellis:
Al Ellis was the originator of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, the original form of Cognitive Behavior Therapy. I was teaching psychology at the University of Akron when Al Ellis arrived to lead a seminar on REBT. (It was actually called RET in those days.) While completing my clinical training in Transactional Analysis, I was also under supervision for membership in the Marriage and Family Therapist organization as well as another professional group in sex therapy. It was in the latter context that I first heard of Albert Ellis who not only developed RET but was also a major contributor to sexology and sex therapy, working with Alfred Kinsey among others.

My clinical training in Transactional Analysis had just finished and the ink on my certificate in ITAA was still a little damp when I attended that first seminar. That led to a training program in RET and more training. After spending two years in training for TA, I moved my primary mode of doing counseling to RET as I found it more helpful with people who were suffering with depression and anxieties.

Over the years, I had several opportunities for direct supervision under Al. His sharp mind and intuition helped me develop my therapeutic skills.

Even though I do use TA as a model for some work with couples, REBT has proven itself in my work with numerous people. In sex therapy, though the main tools are behavioral and based on a standard body of research and knowledge, Albert Ellis' REBT is central to getting folk beyond the mechanics.

Jan Hardaway:
Jan Hardaway supervised my preparation for examination for the American Association of Marriage and Family Counseling. (It was not until three years later that the AAMFC replaced the word Counseling with Therapy.) This was in Ohio and there was no licensure of any mental health counseling at the time. AAMFC was the credentialing body in the field. But Jan is included here because she also taught me to do sex therapy. The whole field of sex therapy was very new and Jan had been trainee at Masters and Johnson.

While I have not continued to do much sex therapy, it was an important part of my practice, even more after I began my work in RET. A significant part of Ellis' work was in sex therapy and he made many contributions to the field. A good sex life is a fulfilling part of most relationships. This was brought home to me when, working with Jan, I began to treat a couple in their eighties who told me, "We don't know how long we have together, but we want it to be the best possible."

When I found an excellent and competent counselor who was completely dedicated to sex therapy, I began referring to her instead of doing this myself. However, when she retired I was forced to renew my interest and work in this field.

Others:
In my lifetime, I have been privileged to learn many things about living a satisfying life and enjoying my mind and my spirit, but also how to work with and be helpful to others. Some of that has come from books and seminars, classes and workshops, some has come from my clients and my friends.

In addition to the people noted above, there have been a handful who have taught me mostly through their written work. The following three have been mentors, not only because I may have taken a workshop or seminar with them, but mostly because I have taken to heart the ideas and philosophies which have come from reading them. Obviously I have read hundreds of books from others, but these three have had life-changing influence on me. It is the depth of their influence that makes them my mentors.

Thich Nhat Hanh:
Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh has been a great guide in my spiritual practice. He has helped me learn of the Zen in Christian life. I have only been to his teachings twice, but they and his written work has brought me closer to the Sacred within.

Brother David Stendl-Rast:
Brother David has taught and preached the word of gratefulness as the center of the encounter with God, with the Holy. Only through gratefulness, the heart of prayer, can one, acknowledging the love and the gifts received, go about loving neighbors, sisters, brothers, the world.

John Shelby Spong:
Marcus Borg:
If this is proportional to their influence, each of these is entitled to a section. Spong is the prophet, a now-retired bishop of the Episcopal church, he calls the Christian church to a new appreciation of its ministry and to a new formulation of its focus, one that does justice to the truth of modern world views and does not require adherence to what is clearly contrary to fact. He proposes a new, more challenging, more invigorating pursuit of the spirit.

If Spong is the prophet, railing against putting our new spiritual wine into old wineskins, lest those winskins split and all be lost, Marcus Borg is the pastor. He helps us flesh out the new spiritual directions. He delves into the Christian faith, bringing forward from ancient truth the application to modern life and ChristPower.

Why do I call them my mentors? I have had no personal relationship with either. While I have been an attendee at three Borg workshops and one of Spong's, I have read and devoured their writings and found truth that touched my soul.

Still So Many More:
These are only a few of the many women and men who have tramped the path and led me to my current place, spiritually, politically and in my personhood. There have been so many more whom I just can't write about. They belong here, even if I don't have time or capability to write about them--don't even remember their names.

My gratitude includes a thankfullness that these people were in my life; that they gave me of themselves--even some who would never recognize my name, like Borg, or Spong or Thay (Thich Nhat Hanh). Each of them taught me how to be with myself and with others.

Gratitude:
I only hope that I have been able to "Pay it forward," to help one or more others learn to be better who they are; to live a fuller, more satisfying life.

Gratitude: This is "eternal life."