My colleague asked me to comment about pornography, morality, ethics and spirituality. After a few false starts I just decided to wing it. Then realized that it would be appropriate here in this blog.
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Dear Dr. Ley,
I've tried to find some way of being
more profound and sounding learned. Guess profound and learned
is just not part of my skill set. Here are a few thoughts. They
are connected, but not in a straight line.
I take seriously the insights of existentialists and existential
psychology. The heart of human life is purpose; not a purpose
given by religion or god, but a purpose chosen by the person
living his/her life. My favorite quotation in this direction is from Albert Camus, "The only serious philosophical question is 'Why not commit
suicide?'" (The Myth of Sisyphus) In a way, he sees the same
phenomenon that Buddhists do--though his solution is different. Life is filled with suffering.
Children are born in pain. They are expelled from a warm, soft
womb into the bright lights of a noisy, cold, world and their
first reaction is to cry. During life we are subject to pain from
a bruised knee at 2-3-4, to everything from sore throats to cancer
during the rest of life; loses of significant friends and lovers
and parents in death and then finally death itself which, for most
people is painful--though, in this country, the end of life is
often accompanied by a morphine drip to alleviate the
"discomfort." So why go through this suffering? Why not commit
suicide.
This awareness of Camus is the beginning point for all spiritual,
moral and ethical questions for me. The emotionally healthy person
creates purpose for his life; she creates 'meaning,' and lives
life in activities which promote meaning. Another statement that
speaks of this to me is Paul Tillich's, "Ground of being." (The
Courage to Be) Our lives seem to need a "Ground of Being," a
purpose, a meaning. That meaning or purpose may change over time,
but to not have one means that there is no ethics and no morals and no spirituality.
Of course, the life purpose or meaning of a person is not static,
it grows and changes in reaction to a person's experience and
learning. For Camus, for example, when he wrote the Myth (1942),
it was while he was a member of the French Resistance fighting the
Nazis who were a painful occupation of France. But after the
liberation of France, Camus cast around for a transition to
another purpose; sharing his insights from the war, writing
polemic novels ("The Stranger", "The Plague," "The Fall", etc.)
The quest for meaning, a purpose, or a GOB is the heart of all
spirituality. Spirituality is not about a god(s) or God. It is
about living one's live with a Ground of Being, a purpose, and
about the quest for a ever-changing purpose. At the end of life
(Why not commit suicide?) what is left are the results of living
with a purpose.
Sorry about being so long-winded. I apologize if that felt like a
lecture, but I think this is key to all ethics and and when it is
made personal, to all morality. Porn and our relation to it, is no
different than any other behavior. It either promotes our life
meaning, or it detracts from that meaning, or sometimes, but
rarely, it is irrelevant.
So, in that light, porn is either irrelevant, or negative if it
interferes with that meaning, or positive and very ethical and
moral and, I will say, spiritual, if it promotes your meaning of your life.
An example of the first, for me, is the rather boring close-up
videos of a penis sliding into and out of a vagina. The absurdity
of a 12 inch dong doing anything except getting in the way of real
life, at best, brings derisive thoughts and feelings.
The second would be porn of cruelty, not BDSM but physical damage.
Bondage and SM are consensual. Physical damage is rarely so. I'm
not just talking about snuff films, but also videos that promote a
casual indifference to the pain of others and their will.
Another negative instance is any porn which so occupies the
client's mind as to interfere with life pursuit. It lacks meaning
and detracts from the purpose of life. This is about as close to
"porn addiction" as I would be willing to get. It is addiction if
we seem unable to stop ourselves. (Since I'm an REBT/TA
person, I don't think we actually can't stop ourselves.) I see
this use of porn as a "plug-in". If it wasn't porn, it would be
alcohol or gambling or chocolate. (Horvath: Sex, Drugs, Gambling and Chocolate) Of course sex and porn get more publicity in our
anti-sex culture. Chocolate, not so much.
Positive porn is porn that promotes an individual's own sense of
being a sexual person, promotes others sexuality and most
importantly, promotes the person's life purpose. I'm not a fan of
the Sinclair Institute videos--the bodies are too perfect, the
makeup is too much, the location is too opulent. The Alexander
Institute tapes are almost as bad. But even though they purport to
be education, they are good porn for couples to watch together.
But there is much other porn that is useful for individuals to
enjoy and use for their individual or coupled pleasure.
My point actually is that porn is no different than any other
human behavior. If it promotes your life's meaning and purpose, it is ethical and moral. The only reason a daily 10-hour dose of porn could be bad is that it prevents one from pursuing meaning and purpose.
You might also find my article Sex, Spirituality and Ruth helpful--though it is not particularly at all about
porn.
Sincerely,
David
David M. Pittle, Ph.D., M.Div.
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